GET THE REAL FROM LADY A
Dear Lady A,
I have been involved with a man for just only 3 months now and we have already exchanged I Love You to each other. My friends and family said I am crazy, and it’s not love. Here is the catch me and the guy have never physically met in person but have facetimed and been on the phone back and forth over these months. He makes me feel so appreciated and desired as well as we have same long- and short-term goals. Am I tripping for feeling as I do for loving him so soon or is my family right and it may be something else but not love?
I Think He The One!
Dear I Think He The One,
First of all, who you decide to love is no one else’s choice but your own. The tricky think about love is there are so many forms of it and it is often confused with lust. Sounds to me that you guys have been learning and talking on a more intimate level that has nothing to do with sex. Love is a funny thing because so many things mimic its true form and ends bad when it is not LOVE. I say for now try and keep others out your business and if you feel he is the one and you guys love each other, focus on what that looks like for the both of you. Make sure though he is not a crutch for the happiness you can’t or did not find in yourself because that always most definitely ends bad. Continue to examine love and make sure you both define what that looks like for you and go in good favor. It is not meant for everyone else to understand but I am sure when you two finally meet which I hope is soon you will find that you both have found your soul mates and live happily ever after. Be blessed and be IN LOVE!!!
Dear Lady A,
As you know the holidays just passed and I am so glad they are over let me tell you why. Every holiday I seem to get really depressed and eager to just sleep the holidays away. The holidays often remind me of death and loneliness because of so many people I have lost in this season. Well to top it off the guy I am dating just lost his grandfather 5 days before Christmas. Now we were supposed to spend New Year together and I decided not to go because he just had a death in the family. Well you would think that was me being respectful but NO he took it as I am not being supportive. How do I explain to him that I am not emotionally available or stable during the holidays as it is and that him experiencing death that close to Christmas would not have put me in a good head space to be supportive? I swear I don’t want to lose him, so I have to figure out what to do. Please Help!!!
Dear Over It!!!,
I think it is great that you understand your trigger of the holidays when it comes to your mental health. Discussing mental health issues with loved ones can be difficult especially in circumstances when the other person may need you for support. Here is what I would suggest first. Find out about your emotional state of mind first which is often referred to as Seasonal Depression. Having an understanding of your mental state first often helps you explain it to other where they understand also. Then come up with tools that will allow you to work through those feelings especially around this season and make an effort to be supportive to those you love. Explain to him that you want to be there for him in every way and in order to do that you have to get better first. Include him in the process and also allow him to be supportive while you both work on vulnerability and relaying feelings. Once you both have an understanding of how to handle each other during holiday seasons you will find better ways to support each other without it compromising the relationship. Be open to getting counseling and finding other forms to digress. You got this trust the first step is acknowledgement and we see you have conquered that. Now go get help to manage it.
Happy New Year,