Sex on the First Date: Is it Do or Don’t?

Man and woman in a bar

I generally get mixed reviews on this topic. Women like Chrissy Teigen encourage this; she admitted to sleeping with John Legend on the first night. They are now happily married with a beautiful baby girl. My feminists friends are all about it, saying that if you wanted to at the moment, then there’s nothing wrong with it. However, as I navigate my way through dating as a single, curvy woman in L.A., I’m gonna go head and say issa a no for me dawg.  I say this for many reasons, especially if you are looking for a meaningful relationship.

Reason #1 : I’m a firm believer in men love a chase. You give it up quickly and there’s really nothing to work for anymore. I’ve been on plenty of first dates, and unfortunately I have made the mistake of sleeping with a man the first night. For example, I met *Noel on an online dating app. Before our official first date I received plenty of ‘good morning’ texts, invites to fun places, and sweet little compliments. He was really trying to impress me, and I was flattered. When I finally did decide to meet him at his house–which is another huge no no–for the first time, it was great. We had some drinks, the conversation was flowing and we had a lot in common, I remember thinking “Yes, I found my man!” That was, until we started kissing. It all went downhill from there. Don’t get me wrong the sex was great, from then on there were no more ‘good morning’ texts, no more invites, no more trying really. On every occasion after that, he expected us to have sex. Needless to say our relationship fizzled out very quickly. 

Reason #2 : I’m a big girl so I’m expected to be easier. “Fat girls are easier and try harder because they are often desperate and don’t get much attention.” Some ignorant man said this to me once and it stuck with me. When you’re curvy, people tend to come up with a lot of assumptions about the way you are. I’m sure not all men feel this way, but there are definitely some that do. And I certainly do not want to confirm this speculation that someone’s dusty ass son came up with . My DM ‘s  are LIT and  My big ass will diss you just as fast as any average sized woman would. 

Reason #3: You don’t really know who you are sleeping with. First dates are for getting to know someone. There is no way you can know a person in just a couple of hours. We all put the best versions of ourselves on display on a first date. On first dates, I wear two pairs of spanx and order a salad *shrugs. Give yourself more time to really get to know that person, that way you can create a true connection with someone beyond physical attraction or possibly even dodge a bullet. What if you find out later that he has a couple of kids stashed away or no job? Plus, sex is even better when you truly have for feelings for the other person.

Ladies, what are your thoughts?



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